Overcoming Our Fear of Mistakes
It’s good to be back together after our last blog on how mental health informed workplaces address institutional racism. We explored how our fear of mistakes can keep us from being part of the solution. This dynamic translates to not intervening when we observe others experiencing mental health issues. I’ve spent 20 years training in this area. The most common reasons shared for not saying something are, “I noticed something was going on, but I didn’t think it was any of my business.”, “I knew they needed help, but I didn’t know what to say, and I didn’t want to make it worse.”, and “I figured I could come up with something to say but didn’t know what I’d do if they needed something.”
Creating a Culture of Care
Sometimes co-workers express that it’s the responsibility of leaders to handle “these kinds of things” in the workplace. Leaders often highlight the responsibility of HR to remind employees about their benefits packages. Part of a mental health informed workplace means having a culture of care where everyone has the skills they need to check in on one another and respond helpfully. It also means establishing psychological safety so that employees can share openly when they are struggling. During these uncertain times, when we are collectively experiencing grief, fear, anxiety, and isolation, we are all needed to be part of the solution.
Self-Compassion Creates Empathy for Others
The first step in developing a culture of care is recognizing how we are feeling. Identifying our unique circumstances that may be affecting how we are doing. Am I caring for parents in an assisted living center? Am I at elevated risk for COVID-19? Am I exhausted from a lifetime of racial oppression? Do I have small children at home while I am trying to work? Am I worried about my household income? Maybe all of the above. Depending on our mental health histories or experiences with trauma, we may have stronger reactions to one or more of the current crises. We may be experiencing our first significant life challenge and haven’t yet built our resilience. Our typical ability to cope may just be overwhelmed. Because we are different from everyone else, what we need for support will be different from what others will find helpful. The same is true for each person. Generating compassion for our own struggles will help us develop empathy for our co-workers.
Tips for Co-worker Check Ins
- Find a private check-in time (e.g., “Is there a time this week you’ll be alone so we can check in?”).
- Focus on what you observe about the person’s behavior (e.g., “I’ve noticed you seem more withdrawn lately. How are you doing?”).
- Express your concern about the person or their behavior (e.g., “I’m worried about you.”).
- Communicate caring for the person (e.g., “I care about you and how you are doing.”).
- Avoid judgment and criticism. For example, saying, “Withdrawing from the team will just make you feel more isolated” conveys disapproval. They may be doing the best they can at the time.
- Prepare to be rejected. They may not be ready to talk yet. Knowing someone cares can make all the difference.
- Keep the lines of communication open. You might say, “If you want to talk sometime, just let me know. I’ll check in again in a couple of weeks.”
- Share your own struggles. Knowing they are not alone can help them open up. You could offer, “I’ve been feeling overwhelmed and I can’t seem to get motivated for anything right now. I’ve noticed you seem more withdrawn lately. How are you doing?”
- If they respond, listen. It takes courage to open up. Being heard by someone is validating and may be all they need.
- Offer encouragement such as nodding your head to convey you are listening. Tell them, “That sounds challenging” or “I can understand why you are feeling anxious.”
- Resist the urge to “fix” them or the situation by offering solutions. Though well-intentioned, it can come across that their situation is easy to solve. It could send a message that their feelings make you uncomfortable.
- Ask about suicide. Asking does not put the idea in someone’s head. This is a MYTH. Asking reduces the risk of suicide. You might say, “With all that’s going on, are you having thoughts about ending your life?” If they say yes: 1) ask if they have a plan, 2) means for acting on that plan, or 3) intent to follow through with their plan. If they say yes to any of these, let them know their safety is the first priority. Help them connect with a professional who can help. Use your organization’s EAP, mental health benefits, or community resources to find a therapist. Psychologytoday.com is a helpful resource with many searchable fields.
- Appreciate them for sharing with you by saying, “Thanks for telling me about what’s going on. It took a lot of courage.”
- Find a time to check in again.
Check ins can occur remotely or in person. A culture of care within a mental health workplace transcends the buildings that house our organizations. It’s more necessary now that we are physically distanced. If you are interested in creating a culture of care, or any aspect of a mental health informed workplace, please contact us at https://oakleyassociatesconsulting.com/contact/. Next time we will explore check-in tips for leaders.